Saturday, July 27, 2013

An Awakening, Of Sorts.

I awoke this morning with this question ringing in my ears:  When have your emotions led you astray?

If you ever felt hungry, were you not also hungry?  If you have felt laughter bubbling up, were you not bubbling over with laughter?  If you ever felt lonely, were you not alone and lonely?

Suddenly, so much made sense.  In my sixty-six years, my feeling, my emotional state was a true response to the things that were happening—even if I didn't possess all the information I needed, even if a thing had not yet occurred, some odd thing signaled an unease.

Why would I not trust those feelings?  Did I think they were flawed intuitions?  Rarely were they wrong.  I know instantly those folks, men and women, who will become heart friends.  And sure enough, that happens. I know, pretty much, right off the bat, what work will work for me.  I know, once in awhile, when something is terribly wrong with my family or me.  I had a flash about my mom's death, my cousin's cancer before they occurred.  I know when it's really, really time for me to leave a job, no matter what.  Things fall deeply apart and there is no retrieving them. I know it in my gut.  Probably have known for months.

I distrusted those feelings because the scientists in my life thought feelings were mercurical, had no weight or merit.  The people in my family, with their very, very smart reliance on what makes sense, have no room for overly sensitive or overly emotional responses.  Those do drive people a little crazy.  I've worked in education and medicine, for decades.  Neither of those disciplines are very good with emotions.

Granted, I can be led astray once in a great while by a good-looking man.  But I've also found my way a thousand times by something a good-hearted man has figured out.  It bears watching.

Some day I'll talk about my religious or spiritual perceptions, but I'm not ready yet.  They weren't what I thought they might be either. A hint:  God must be a thousand times kinder than I am, know a million times more about love than I do.

So, my dear friends,  when I ask, "How are you feeling today?"  I mean it.

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1 comment:

  1. What a powerful piece! very well done -- and heartfelt :)